kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
