Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Boobs speak an international language.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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