When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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