I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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