Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
