i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
