sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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