I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
