hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dicks are not precious.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
A bitchslap is in order.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
