you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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