Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Duck Duck Cougar?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
