reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
