I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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