Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy