Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
