I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize