Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?