I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
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You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.