I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea