The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.