Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
did i walk over a car last night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
