By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
