I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
