hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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