shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
