Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
