Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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