did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
