Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
