At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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