So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
they call him Oral-B. enough said
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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