Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
