What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize