was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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