If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
