saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
