my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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