i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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