bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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