Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
