so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
