Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
