Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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