I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
handjob tips. give me some.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
