need another drink. this is the easiest way
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
