we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
