Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
