Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
