OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
