East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
