some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
