I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
