shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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