Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
