i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
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Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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