Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
