she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
