this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
