I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
