i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
