There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
