ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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