Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
