He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
