I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
