I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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