Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
