dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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