Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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