Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
