He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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