i'm signing you up for texting rehab
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
