I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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