even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
