Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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