Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
