What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
