i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
