So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
