I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
