i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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