so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am available for nakedness
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
