Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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