Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
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So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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