it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
