in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
