In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
