um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
