Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
