Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
