What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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