sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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