You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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